


Daiyun

by chronicAngel



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Background Relationships, Gen, Light Angst, POV Third Person, Pregnancy, Surrogacy, Talking, Training
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-04-16 02:24:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14154624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chronicAngel/pseuds/chronicAngel
Summary: He looks at her with those wide eyes, searching for the same reassurance that he's found in her since they were just genin, and she wonders if he'll find it there. If that wasn't stripped away from her the way everything else in her life seems to have been. He must, though, because in an instant she's wrapped tightly in a familiar, warm embrace and she can hardly breathe but it doesn't matter because for the first time in a while, she's positive he'll be okay.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is not a part of my current Naruto universe. While I think it is a very cute headcanon, and one that I hold very close to my heart, it is not how I think things go in canon (although I wouldn't be against that route if the writers were to take it that direction, as much as I doubt that will happen) and it is not how you will see Metaru's mother explained in my other fics-- at least those that are a part of the _Leaves in the Summer_ series. I would also like to make a disclaimer now, as the first chapter of this fic goes up: This fic will not be updating again until May. While you're waiting for new chapters, you can check out some of my other fics, but this one will be dead for the next month. This is because I have decided to dedicate April entirely to works in the DC Comics fandom. That being said, please enjoy; and if you're coming into this after it's done or after the next chapter is up, you can go ahead and ignore that notice!

She's not surprised when he tells her. In fact, she's suspected for years, since he told her about the disappointment of his first time with Hinata-- _I_ care _about her_ , he had insisted, and she had believed him because he was Lee and he wouldn't be able to lie to her even if he were willing. _I just don't think I care about her_ _like that_. If she's really being honest with herself, she had suspected from the moment he was willing to don a green jumpsuit for the rest of his life and scream about youth like that wouldn't deter all members of both sexes.

"I think I am... asexual," he says, whispering it like a guilty confession only a week after Neji's funeral.

What's surprising to her, really, is the exact moment he chooses to confess it.

They aren't hanging out. They haven't seen each other in days, actually, as she's been spending all of her time locked away in her apartment and the only person who has been able to pry her door open (metaphorically, of course) is Hinata. She stands across from him in her doorway, eyes red and puffy even though she hasn't cried in a solid hour (but she's been crying so much that "red and puffy" is really starting to become her eyes' default state), white banner hanging from the wood above her head. Only those closest to her actually know its significance.

"W-what?" She stutters, blinking and stepping back from the door. There's incense burning, the same smell that they burn at the Hyūga compound-- a gift from Hinata the first morning that she'd locked herself in her apartment, the black kimono that Hinata wore starkly contrasting the dress that Tenten donned, pure white except for the black cloth band pinned to her right sleeve. She's only visited the compound three times before-- once for training, once when her teammate had introduced her to Hyūga Hiashi (she had been surprised, to say the least, when she found that Lee wasn't also there), and at his wake only a week ago-- but the smell is so distinct that it very well may be the only incense she ever burns from now on, for all others are too distant for her.

Lee takes her stepping back to be a sign that she is welcoming him in and brushes past her into the apartment. She just rolls her eyes and shuts the door behind him, sitting on the couch with crossed legs and scooping the fried noodles she had been eating into her mouth-- an old recipe her mother taught her before she passed away. He sits next to her, staring at the bandages wrapped around his knuckles as opposed to looking her in the eye, which is her first real indication that something is wrong.

"What's going on with you?" She asks, putting down her chopsticks and plate of noodles and scooting until she's pressed into his side and he's forced to look at her. He doesn't comment on how wet her eyes are, so she doesn't comment on his deep frown, which for Lee is like sobs wracking through his body.

"I have made a discovery about myself. I am not yet sure how comfortable I am with this discovery." She gives him as long as he needs, which turns out to be a few minutes, but what he'd blurted practically the moment she opened the door rings in her head and she wonders if that's what's killing him so much. She's never seen him so torn apart by anything before. "I... I think I am asexual. That is--"

"I know what that is, Lee." She snaps, annoyed with the insinuation that she's dumb. His eyes slide back to his fingers and guilt immediately begins to stir in her gut. "Hey," she tries again, voice as light as she can make it when so much darkness still hangs over her own head. "It's okay. Just... What makes you think so?"

It's as though a dam breaks. He spends the next hour at least pouring his heart out to her, though he stares at his fingers the whole time, closing them and opening them and closing them again when he gets to parts that are too hard for him. He says that he knows he's still in love with Sakura, will probably _always_ be in love with Sakura, but he's not sure he loves her the same way that everyone else seems to love each other-- he's seen Naruto and Hinata whispering to each other with flushed faces in the last few days, caught civilians doing things in public that are best kept in the confines of one's home, and has even heard the wistful way his love herself talks about Sasuke, who left just a couple of days after Neji's memorial to go on a mission for redemption. He confesses that he noticed the way she and Neji themselves used to sneak off together after training, and her cheeks flush at the reminder even as she knows they never actually did anything.

His shoulders relax a fraction as he continues to spill to her, pouring all of his contents out for her to look into their depths. They've always been this way. She doesn't know why she ever shut him out.

"And..." He starts, voice dropping back to a whisper even as it has been growing frantically in volume since he started his whole rant. "I don't feel very youthful at all," he confesses, and her heart finally shatters.

Truthfully, he doesn't _look_ very youthful. She supposes mourning does that to a person, summoning memories of Hinata's sad face, pale and perfect like a fragile porcelain doll that has come too close to breaking, recalling her own face in the mirror this morning with heavy bags under her eyes. She hasn't brushed her hair in days, hasn't even bothered to pull it up.

She knows what he means, though. She knows it as well as she knows her own name and date of birth because she's known Lee as long as she dares to remember and if there is one thing, one ideal that he has always aspired to live up to, more than determination, more than stamina, more than strength or speed or anything else, it's _youth_. Her best friend in the entire world is guiltily confessing to her that he doesn't feel youthful, but that's not what he means. _I don't feel_ right _at all_.

"You're the most youthful person in the whole world, Lee," she says, offering him a tentative smile. She's not sure it's what he wants, she's not even sure it's what he needs, but it's the best she can do and he doesn't ask for anything more. He looks at her with those wide eyes, searching for the same reassurance that he's found in her since they were just genin, and she wonders if he'll find it there. If that wasn't stripped away from her the way everything else in her life seems to have been. He must, though, because in an instant she's wrapped tightly in a familiar, warm embrace and she can hardly breathe but it doesn't matter because for the first time in a while, she's positive he'll be okay.


	2. Poppy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His thick eyebrows furrow into a thoughtful look and then finally, after nearly two full minutes, she thinks she hears him mumble, "Do you ever wish...?" And then trail off. She drops the plate in her hands into the sink and, fingers still dripping with suds, moves to sit next to him on the couch. "Do you ever wish... you had children?"

They meet at Neji's grave every month, and then they go back to her apartment. She makes food, because Lee is one of the best cooks she's ever met, if she's being honest, but sometimes she misses her mother's cooking and Lee doesn't know how to properly put together any of the recipes, and then they eat and talk. Sometimes they're able to drag Gai-sensei into it, but her apartment is on the third floor of a three story building and she hates watching Lee carry him and the wheelchair up all of those stairs even if this is the exact sort of thing he's been training for since they were eleven.

"Are you making noodles?" Lee says, sinking onto the couch while she begins to wash dishes.

She hums in what she feels is reasonable enough confirmation. "I love the noodles you make," he adds, and she almost rolls her eyes as she hums again. "I mean, I love everything that you cook, and all food! It is all so wonderful. But I do particularly like the noodles," he explains, and she can't stifle a laugh.

"Honestly, Lee, you're such a little kid sometimes," she says as she blasts soapy water off the side of her wok and then drops it onto the stove top to dry while she works on plates. Lee goes suspiciously quiet.

In the ten years she has known him, she's never known Lee to shut up for more than a few seconds. He was leaning over and whispering in her ear at Neji's funeral! If it hadn't been a public gathering, she may have smacked him right there. Now, though, she looks over her shoulder and sees him silently staring at his hands.

"Lee? You okay?" She says, trying not to let too much concern leak into her voice.

Even with the prompting, it takes him a minute to answer, but she doesn't ask again because he clearly hears her. His thick eyebrows furrow into a thoughtful look and then finally, after nearly two full minutes, she thinks she hears him mumble, "Do you ever wish...?" And then trail off. She drops the plate in her hands into the sink and, fingers still dripping with suds, moves to sit next to him on the couch. "Do you ever wish... you had children?" He gets out after a minute.

Her immediate instinct is to say 'no.' She hasn't thought about even the possibility of children since Neji's death four years ago. But then she thinks for a second, and she knows that there have been many days, _especially_ four years ago, when she thought about what might have happened if he'd never died. About marriage. Children.

"Sometimes," she admits after a minute, slowly. "I think about..." She blushes, staring at her own lap now. "I think about what might have happened if Neji had never... I think about fighting with the Hyūga clan about getting married, not because they don't want us to get married, but because they don't care about it since he's _branch family_. I think about having dumb arguments about how traditional our wedding is going to be. I wonder whether or not our kids would have had the Byakugan because I'm not some distant Hyūga cousin..." She clenches her fists in her lap and takes a long breath through her nose. "Yeah, I think about it."

He doesn't rest a comforting hand on her shoulder or anything, and she thinks it is likely because he knows her well enough at this point that he knows it won't help. "I still worry sometimes that it is wrong... Or that _I_ am wrong; about myself. How could a person who is not interested in sexual situations want to have children? I am not an idiot. I know where children come from, and I want it anyway."

"You're _not_ wrong, Lee," she insists immediately, resting a wet hand on his shoulder. Neither of them comments on it. "Nobody knows you better than you. Not even Gai-sensei. If this is how you feel, then this is how you feel, and that's okay. Nobody can say shit about what you want and don't want. And you can still have kids... You could adopt. Or you could find a surrogate."

He looks at her for the first time since the conversation started with wide, dark eyes. His expression is so uncertain, almost questioning. _Can I_? She can hear him asking even as his lips don't move, and it nearly breaks her heart. "I would surrogate for you," she says without even thinking of how big a commitment that is.

His eyes immediately snap up to hers and she ignores how water-y they are as she holds eye contact, trying to hammer in that she's serious about this. His mouth is completely agape, and she thinks he looks like a puppy.

"Tenten..."

* * *

She makes an appointment the next week to be artificially inseminated, which ends up being scheduled for nearly three months later, at the dawn of May. Lee holds her hand in the office while they wait and she thinks anyone who didn't know them might assume that they were a couple. He is not actually needed here, but he's come with her for moral support. She allowed it because she knows, not even that deep within herself, that this is the biggest and scariest thing she has ever done. She's more intimidated now than she was during any of their dozens of missions and they can't even be sure it'll work.

"Tiantian," a woman she doesn't recognize calls from halfway in a door, effectively butchering her given name with her apathy.

They shuffle after her to a small room near the back of the clinic, where she takes Tenten's vitals and then immediately leaves them alone, presumably to get the doctor. Almost a full ten minutes later, Shizune, Kakashi's assistant who she frequently forgets is technically a medic-nin (trained by Tsunade-sama and everything), enters the room, looking weary. "I didn't know the two of you were a couple. Or trying for children..." She says cheerfully, clearly trying to make small talk.

"We're not. To either," Tenten corrects, trying to sound patient. "Lee's wanted kids for a long time. I'm just trying to help out a friend." Shizune's face reflects something like confusion, but she nods anyway and doesn't ask anything else about their situation.

The procedure ends up hurting a lot less than Tenten expected it to (especially after the nightmare HSG test a month and a half ago) but feels like it takes an eternity. It isn't helped by the fact that Lee hovers anxiously in the corner and Shizune spends the whole time trying to distract her from exactly what's going on with more small talk ("I heard the Hyūga clan elders have been trying to arrange a marriage for Hinata's younger sister since she and Naruto got married," which almost makes Tenten scoff because she has met Hyūga Hanabi and she is perhaps the least eligible bride she has ever met). She spends nearly a full fifteen minutes telling them about all of the signs of pregnancy, and finishes it all off with, "Make an appointment to come back next month so we can do some blood tests and confirm it."

They don't split up after they leave, but they don't go back to her apartment, either. It feels too strangely personal after the sort of appointment they've just gone to, and so instead they go to a small, newer restaurant where he gets curry over rice and she gets soba. "Who should we tell?" Lee asks, looking around conspiratorially, and she rolls her eyes as she realizes once again that he's such a child. She wonders how she is supposed to let him be responsible for an entire human life. (It hits her then, too, that he really is going to be responsible for an entire human life virtually by himself. She'll be around to help, of course, she always will, but the thought that there isn't someone he can leave a child with for last minute missions or someone to make sure he doesn't kill the kid with training the minute they can walk is stunning.)

"It's not something we can exactly hide, Lee." She says, rolling her eyes and slurping up more noodles. "Eventually, I'm going to get huge, and I'm not going to give up training and lock myself in my apartment for months just so nobody figures out. Plus, why does it matter who knows?"

He looks around again, like trying to check if anyone they know is there, and then looks back at her with a grave expression. "You seriously would not mind if everybody knew? People in our village might... _say things_."

She snorts. "People already _say things_ , Lee. Let them talk. I don't regret doing this for you for a second."

His eyes are watery within a second and he sniffs, staring at her with an intense emotion she can't quite place. Suddenly, he launches himself across the table and throws his arms tightly around her, and she almost chokes on her soba. "You are the best teammate I could ever ask for!" He yells over her subsequent coughing fit, loud enough that heads around the restaurant turn and people are quickly staring at them. She is amazed by the drama of it all as he doesn't even notice the looks they are getting, squishing his cheek against the top of her head and nuzzling her. She doesn't even finish her soba before slamming the money for their meal down on the table and dragging him out, face flushed with embarrassment.

* * *

She goes to bed before the sun has even finished setting the night before her appointment with a migraine, chugging painkillers and a glass of water and passing out with the hopes that it'll be gone before she has to sit in a brightly lit waiting room for half an hour reading trashy magazines she couldn't care less about. She wakes up early the next morning as a result and finds herself chugging more water as she almost immediately throws up. She heads to the same training grounds they used to go to as genin to relieve some of the tension, sure that it's just nerves making her feel so sick.

"You were always so intense," a familiar voice calls from behind her an hour into her training, and she jumps.

"You're one to talk, Gai-sensei," she says after a minute, turning to face him while he wheels himself closer. "What are you doing at the training grounds, anyway? Aren't you supposed to be taking it easy these days?" She asks expectantly, eyebrows raised and hands on her hips. He chuckles nervously and rubs at the back of his neck, pausing a few feet away from her.

"It's been so long since I last saw you, Tenten. What have you been up to?" He says, clearly trying to redirect the conversation, but she just rolls her eyes because really, she didn't expect anything else.

Still, she isn't sure what she can really say, so she turns back to the tree she was using a minute ago and jerks out the kunai lodged nearly a full inch into the wood. "Not very much," she says as she runs her fingers over the deep mark left behind. "I have an appointment later this morning. I figured that I would get some training in beforehand, like the good old days," she adds, and a guilty, hollow feeling fills her gut like she's lying.

He must catch on. "And how is you and Lee's...?" He trails off, clearly unsure of what, exactly, he's asking, and she wonders how long ago it was that Lee told him. She supposes she can't really be mad, though; she told Lee that he could tell whoever he wanted, and if she didn't know then that Gai-sensei would be at the top of his list then she would be an idiot. Still, she's not exactly sure how to talk to him about it without Lee there. (She hasn't been sure how to talk to him about anything without Lee there in a long time.)

Eventually, she sighs, throws the kunai at a branch, and sits cross-legged on the dirt. "That's what the appointment's about. Confirming." He doesn't say anything for a long minute, and she realizes when she looks at his face that he's waiting for her to continue. "I don't regret doing this for Lee, not for a second. He's my best friend in the world and I'm happy to do anything that results in his happiness. But it's a little bit terrifying... I haven't thought about the possibility of kids in _years_ , not since... Since." She finishes lamely, but her former teacher nods solemnly in understanding.

"You three were always the perfect model of friendship and youth. The fact that you're willing to do something like this for Lee is just... it's just beautiful..." He says, and she can see tears beading up at the corners of his eyes.

She rolls her eyes. "Don't you get started too," she scolds, but she sniffs and finds her own eyes starting to sting. He motions for her to come closer and the second she's within his reach he snatches her into a hug.

"Sometimes it's hard to believe you aren't still my adorable students. But you're not, Tenten. You've grown into a very strong young woman."

She scoffs, wiping at her eyes. After a minute, she finally says, "Thank you, Gai-sensei. I really need to go to my appointment now..." He releases her, though he's clearly reluctant about it. "You'd better leave with me!" She says, and he chuckles again, rubbing at the back of his neck, and then pushes himself silently alongside her toward the village.

She arrives at the clinic by herself, staring at the doors to the building and, by extension, the daunting test ahead of her. She thinks it would probably be better if Lee hadn't left for a mission the morning before. If she had him to walk in with her and hold her hand in the office despite the misconceptions it would obviously lead others in the waiting room to. Instead, she walks in by herself and smiles anxiously as she signs in with one of the receptionists.

When she sits, she almost immediately notices Ino and Sai holding hands a short ways away and she can only hope neither of them notices her. Apparently, it's too much to ask for, as almost the moment she sits down Ino glances up from her magazine and then excitedly yells, "Tenten, oh my God! I haven't seen you in months!" Sai's interest is quickly peaked and he glances over at her as well.

"Hey, Ino," she shyly calls back as the blonde gathers up her things and scoots to the empty seat on her left.

"What are you doing in a place like this?" The Yamanaka asks, grinning, but cuts her off before she even has a chance to open her mouth for a reply. "Sai and I think we're pregnant! Can you believe that? And it'll be just in time for them to grow up alongside Shikamaru and Chōji's kids!" At Tenten's confused expression, Ino gasps and slaps a hand over her mouth, and then laughs and says, "Well, I guess they wouldn't have told anyone else. Shikamaru is just the sort not to say anything, and Karui's so huge at this point that she's probably in hiding."

Before Tenten has to say anything, she is saved by the same bored nurse from her last appointment calling Ino back for her test. The Yamanaka shoots her one last grin before she gets up and then she practically drags Sai back with her to the exam room. It's only a few more minutes before she heads back herself, following a new, more chipper nurse who asks her if she's been experiencing any nausea or headaches (" _Both_ ," she says, stomach twisting at the memory of last night's migraine), happily fills her in on the sort of test they're going to be doing (standard blood test), and tells her how long she should expect to wait before she gets results (two days seems like a ridiculously long time).

Two and a half days later, her stomach drops as she gets a call while she's in the middle of a plate of dumplings that confirms the scariest thing she's ever agreed to. Lee's still not due to come home from his mission for three days.

* * *

She throws herself into her training, going to their old training grounds every day and throwing dozens of kunai at targets that were artfully arranged by her twelve-year-old self. If she closes her eyes, she can envision herself at that age, Lee practicing his dodging at the same time that she practices her aim while Neji sits silently in one of the tree's branches, trusting her not to hit him with a stray projectile. Once, perhaps a week after the chūnin exams, he'd actually fallen asleep during training for just a moment, and she's sure she was the only one who noticed. Of course, she'd seen him sleeping many times before that, but there was something about the level of trust it required to fall asleep while your teammate threw kunai at a target directly above your head that had made it feel special to her. Snapping herself out of her memories, she opens her eyes and stares at the kunai that stick out of the targets around her. It feels much more hollow now.

She only makes it halfway through collecting her kunai before she gives up and slides to the ground with her back against the post. She clutches her stomach and tries to ignore the stinging feeling in her eyes.

"I can't believe I'm really doing this," she whispers to herself. The idea that in nine months she will be giving birth is too daunting to consider in depth, so she swipes that thought away.

She just sits on the ground with her kunai at her side and embedded deep in posts, holding her stomach as though she is about to be sick (although in her defense she _has_ felt a little nauseous all of the time since her discovered pregnancy). She's not sure how much time passes before a silhouette approaches, but she's not surprised by it at all. She is even less surprised when she sees it is Lee.

He runs right up to her at what she imagines is the moment he spots her, grinning. The mud stains on his outfit imply to her that he hasn't even stopped at his apartment first before immediately searching for her, and she stares at her toes instead of looking at him. "Tenten!" He calls happily even though he is only a few feet away from her, now. "What is the news?"

She feels guilt churn in her gut for a moment, her hands still resting on her stomach and fingers curling into the fabric of her qipao as she contemplates her choice. After Neji, children never seemed like an option for her. She had just assumed she would live the rest of her life without getting married or having children. It's not like she needs a man or a kid to make her life complete, anyway. She's happy by herself with her weapons and the knowledge that she's just as strong and independent as she would be if Neji hadn't died during the war and they ended up married.

"I went to the appointment while you were on your mission. I ran into Ino and Sai there, I guess they're expecting?" She looks up at him with a smile, but he knows her well enough to know that she's stalling and takes a seat on the ground next to her. Evidently, he expects to be disappointed. She wonders how disappointed he would be to find out that she _is_ pregnant, but she's terrified. Shaking the thought away, she scoots closer to him and smiles wider. "I'm pregnant, Lee. You're gonna have a baby," she says, and tries not to emphasize the _you're_ too hard.

"That is wonderful!" He yells, and she's lucky that she's used to his exuberance after years on the same team otherwise she might flinch from how loudly he yells in her ear.

He throws his arms around her and she wonders if she's imagining the way some of her nausea melts away as she relaxes into his arms. Lee has always made her feel better about herself; has always been her rock.

* * *

He practically moves in with her, and spends most of his time reminding her of all of the things she can't do or all of the things she can't eat (at least, that's certainly what it feels like). "Tenten! The book I got said that you should not eat sweet things," he chastises one afternoon when she is grocery shopping as she tries to sneak a jar of almond jelly into her basket. "You should try these instead," he says, beaming, and drops four peaches into the basket.

He begins to insist she drink jasmine tea any time he sees she's not actively drinking something, and orders eel sushi for her when they go out for dinner a week later because she can't stand all of the healthy recipes he's been forcing on her at the apartment. She finally gets him to go home when she points out that his landlord will think that he's moving out if he doesn't stay in his apartment for at least a night, and she makes a salad for herself with as many "forbidden" vegetables as possible that evening.

She finds that the way he insists she not take on any more missions until the baby is born even more annoying, and has to fight with him every morning to go out for her regular runs.

On the one morning she doesn't have to argue with him, she almost forgets that she doesn't have to sneak out, pulling on her sandals as quietly as she can and halfway through stepping out the door before she realizes that Lee isn't even there. Once she's jogging through the village toward the training grounds, she feels much more refreshed, the cool air of sunrise hitting her face and the ache in her legs from sitting around letting her muscles go to waste being chased away. She runs into Shikamaru halfway between her apartment and Training Ground 43, almost literally.

He steps out of the way just in time for her to catch herself with the heels of her hands on the wall, and she gets stinging scrapes across her palms as a result. "Oh, hey Shikamaru!" She greets anyway, trying her best to sound peppy, and he raises a brow at her before offering a slow _Good morning_ , tone questioning. "Doing some shopping?" She glances at the peach in his hands and remembers Lee's scolding in the store, and then what Ino told her at her appointment. He nods. "Are those for Temari? I heard the two of you were going to have a baby pretty soon."

"Us and everyone else," he says, sounding less than enthusiastic. "I'm not one for gossip, but it seems like everyone's getting ready to pop out kids these days. Well, except for Kiba, I guess," he remarks thoughtfully, putting the peach in his hand back and picking up another one to squeeze.

She flushes and takes a few steps closer to help him investigate the fruit at the stand, and the old man behind it smiles warmly at her. While he squints at and squeezes various peaches, she eyes a large pile of raspberries and wonders for a moment if those are too sweet to eat in front of Lee. "I wouldn't say everyone is having kids. We don't know anything about what Sasuke and Sakura are up to," she says, and they both take a moment to look at each other and then snicker. _With just how long those two danced around each other, I'd be surprised if she wasn't by now_ , she thinks, grabbing a handful of dark raspberries. Shikamaru, meanwhile, picks up a basket she hadn't noticed he had and puts two peaches in, and then eyeballs the plums.

"I don't get why everybody has to make it into such a big deal," he says, picking up a plum and tossing it into the air like a ball a couple of times. The old man gives him a stern look and he stops. "Y'know Ino hosted this big dinner with half of her damn clan. Invited Chōji and I too, and Temari would've killed me if we didn't go. What a drag." She snickers and nods, digging through her pockets for a minute and then offering enough ryō for the handful of raspberries to the old man running the stand. Shikamaru must finish his shopping, too, because he offers his own money to the man and then picks up his basket. "Congratulations on the kid," he says over his shoulder, and she stops.

 _I didn't even say anything_!

* * *

"You're the size of a poppy seed and you're already giving me trouble," she murmurs at her stomach as she wipes at her mouth in the only bathroom in the administrative division of the Academy. When she steps back into the Hokage's office, she's on the receiving end of a sympathetic look from Kakashi, and she smiles apologetically. "Sorry about that, Rokudaime-sama."

"It's alright," he says, and for a second she thinks he will simply return to the subject of their meeting. Of course, that is too much to hope for. "Are you sick? Shizune said there was a stomach bug going around..."

"It's nothing, sir," she reassures, and she has to admit that she feels strange calling her sensei's rival "sir" even as she knows their rivalry was more friendly than anything born of actual malice.

There are no seats opposite his desk, and so she just stands awkwardly across from him while he sits back in his chair, looking at her with this expectant expression like he was not the one who called her into his office. "Gai recommended you for ANBU a few months ago," he says eventually, and she knows her eyes go wide. _Gai-sensei_... She can't imagine it even as she recalls just how many times her sensei ranted about her talents at length. "A position on the team just recently opened up. Would you be interested?"

"I--" She starts, and then cuts herself off, face flushing in combined embarrassment and disappointment. Though being on the ANBU is not something she has always wanted, it is something she has thought a lot about in the years since she learned she did not have the chakra control to be a medical ninja. Beyond that, it is something Neji encouraged her to do before his death, sometimes acting almost rude in the way he told her she was an idiot if she didn't one day go for it. Now, she has to turn it down because of poor timing. "I'm honored, but I'm afraid I have to turn down your offer."

He raises an eyebrow, mostly obscured by the large lip of the Hokage's hat, and she stares down at her feet with pink cheeks. It is because of this that she doesn't see when he stands, only noticing when he is in front of her and resting his hand on her shoulder in a way that she is sure is meant to be reassuring, but only ends up making her jump. "That's alright. Just know that the offer is on the table if you ever feel like taking it up," he says, and she imagines he is wearing a warm smile under his mask. She wonders if he knows more than he is bringing up.

After a moment, she looks up and they make eye contact for a moment. "I'm pregnant, sir. I'm sorry, but I won't be able to go on any missions until next February, at least." She tries not to sound ashamed even as she whispers it.

He blinks at her in surprise for a moment before smiling warmly once more, nodding once. "Ah, yes, I thought I had heard something about that the last time Gai ambushed me with one of his competitions," he says, and she has to try not to splutter indignantly. _If you knew then what were you doing asking me_?! There's something understanding on his face that she doesn't quite get, but doesn't particularly want to probe about either. "There are always some things out of our control that overwhelm us. In other people's minds, it's not a factor. But for us, it can seem like the entire world is crashing down around us."

Just for this moment, she thinks no one else in the world is better suited to be her sensei's rival. She thinks no one else in the world is better suited to be the Hokage.

* * *

His words echo in her mind for days afterward.

 _But for us, it can seem like the entire world is crashing down around us_ , she thinks as she zones out staring into the eggs she was frying a moment ago. Lee is on her couch, but she's lost track of what he was doing (was he watching a movie or talking about something or just sitting there?) as she stares at the ingredients around her, eggs sizzling and popping in the pan.

She physically shakes her head to snap herself out of it and picks up a handful of cheese, tossing it over the eggs so it has time to melt into them while she turns her fried eggs into omelettes even as she knows it's a bit late in the process. Glancing up, she sees Lee watching her and tries to smile apologetically. "I'm sorry, what was that? I got distracted."

His brows furrow. "You have been doing that a lot lately. Are you okay?" _No_ , she wants to say. _I'm so terrified and I don't even know how to start telling you why. I don't know if I should. It's like my whole universe has been flipped upside down and I don't understand anything anymore, but every time I see you smiling I want to convince myself that everything is alright because everything should be alright and it's not. I'm sorry_.

"I'm fine," she says instead, turning back to the pan with diced tomatoes so her face doesn't give away the lie. She can imagine her own pained expression, the way she wears a grimace against her own will.

"Tenten," he says as she turns back to chop bell peppers for her omelette, suddenly so close that she almost bumps into him, and she supposes she didn't fight the guilt form her voice as well as she thought she did. "You cannot bottle things up like this. You know this as well as I do. Tell me what is wrong."

She notices that it is a demand, not a question.

She lets her face fall from fake smiles and silent apologies and stares at him with sad eyes and a mouth that naturally sags into a frown. She has to practice speaking in her mind for a second, rehearse the way her lips should move and she should push sound out just so she can talk to him, and it's not something she's ever really experienced before. Talking to Lee is always so natural, and the concept of struggling this much with one conversation, a single sentiment, throws her even more off kilter than she already felt. "It's like..." She starts, and she fights to meet his eyes. "It's like I'm in space; and I can see the whole world beneath me, but I'm still drifting away. It's so cold and so dark and I'm... I'm scared Lee. I'm really scared."

He seems to get it. His expression darkens immediately, but not in a way like he is angry or disappointed in her. He looks more like he is upset that he can't take this pain away for her, and she feels guilt sting her heart again. "I am the one who launched you into space," he says, and she notices once more that it is not a question. "You should have told me sooner."

"And we would have done what?" She cries, staring at him in incredulity. He doesn't say anything back, and she looks down at her feet. "I'm not... I don't regret doing this for you, Lee," she says, and he gives her a look that's halfway between concern and confusion. "It's just... Whenever I pictured myself being pregnant and having kids, it was never as a surrogate for someone else. It was always with..." When she trails off, his eyes light up with understanding. "I'm not... upset, about my decision. It's just... it's jarring."

"I have never done anything with the intent to upset you, Tenten," he says, and she huffs out a laugh. _I know that_ , she thinks, but she doesn't say as much because she is sure there is a point hiding here. "In fact, I would argue that I have done many things seeking the opposite effect. When Neji died, I know that it disrupted many of your plans. As mine was, your life was thrown off-balance. After so many years, I thought it had been righted. I did not want to be the one who threw it off-balance once more." She's sniffling and holding back tears by the time he is done, and she throws herself at him with bone-crushing force, wrapping her arms tightly around him.

"God, Lee, of course you didn't..." She starts, and then loses it to a sob. "There's so much that I have to figure out. There's so much that _we_ have to figure out. But there's no one else in the world I would rather figure it out with, Lee." _Not even Neji_ , she thinks, partially self-assured but mostly just questioning. She is so grateful to have someone like him by her side during all of this.

She sniffs again and smells smoke, and in an instant she has turned in horror to her eggs and can only be grateful that they haven't caught fire. Still, she feels gravity once more as she scoops the burned mess into her trash.


End file.
